she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
