i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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