You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
