Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
