When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
