wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
