Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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