so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
