I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
well, you know. whores of a feather.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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