My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
