you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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