If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I think people are normalizing furries
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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