I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
