Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
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