The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
