We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
