I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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