??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Randomize
