Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
