I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
