I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
