Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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