Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
