My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
