Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
