You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
