explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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