Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
