He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
