i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
