We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
