I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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