peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
dude. I can hear the air.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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