I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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