she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
