I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
