i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize