im drinking this country out of the recession.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
