you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
