whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize