I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
