my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
