Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
