i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize