My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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