Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
