he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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