so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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