I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
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