I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
