Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
