shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
