ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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