I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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