Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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