in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
