its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
