I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
