I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
We got so high we made milksteak
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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