I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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