you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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