Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
