i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
she told me i tasted like america
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I want to fling myself into the sun
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
