My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
