He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
