her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
