You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize