I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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