I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
