you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Randomize
