I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
