I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
