Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
