I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
