my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
