I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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