Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
