That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
