You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
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