I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I fill condoms, not promises.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
