I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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