I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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