the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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