After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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