haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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