I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
