My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize