Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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