the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Do vagina's smell?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
