"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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