i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize