i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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