We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
