We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
