I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
