i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize