Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
