If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
