just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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