and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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