Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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