im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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