i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
