the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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