Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
