Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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