Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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