what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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