Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
