somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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