do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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