He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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