Me. At least after what I've been through.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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